I came into grad school determined to keep an open mind. Explore all the options. Try a little of everything. Let go of all preconceptions about the field and my future in it. I didn’t want a repeat of my undergraduate experience, when freshman me was so confident, so self-assured in my perfect choice of a major…only to end up changing it a year later. Which I realize almost everyone does. Sheepishness aside, I wasted a lot of time clinging to that decision even when little flags kept popping up, saying “this is not the right path for you!” So I resolved that grad school would be different.
At first, this strategy worked well. My head was practically spinning from all the possibilities and potential paths. Everything was new and exciting and I wanted to do it all. Special collections! Academic librarianship! Government positions! Archivist! Who knows- maybe corporate librarianship could be for me!
Slowly though, I started feeling….well, something I didn’t like. Deep down, I did know what I wanted to do. I knew exactly what I wanted to do. But I felt like my dream was too small. Too traditional. Too…I don’t know. I didn’t want to admit it – to myself, to my classmates, or to my professors. So many of my friends have these big, grand dreams that they’re pursuing. It’s exhilarating and wonderful and very intimidating.
So, in an ironic repeat of undergrad, I kept to my original course, forcing interest in jobs I was increasingly disinterested in.
The dam finally broke three weeks ago after the iSchool’s career fair. I came home with a fiercely raging internal battle between what I thought was expected of me and what I knew I wanted to do. Finally, over dishes (told you I do all my good thinking at a sudsy sink), the truth sunk in.
I want to be a children’s librarian.
I don’t know why I found that so hard to admit. But I did. First, I admitted it to myself. Then, slowly, to my classmates. And just this week, I told one of my professors. With each telling, I am more confident and relieved to be telling the truth.
Soon, I’ll go more into detail about why I want to be a children’s librarian. But for now, it’s enough just to say it.
I want to be a children’s librarian.
Cataloging Kyra 